Category: thinkpiece

Self-Preservation is Your Best Friend

know, mindfulness, thinkpiece July 7, 2019

The two-hundredth-and-forty-fourth anniversary of America dredged up some pretty powerful feelings about my own independence…or lack thereof. Days after, it dawned on me that my obsession with the latter (or the former, errr), could be tied to the impending arrival of my two-year LA-versary.

Thanks to Hollywood (one small neighborhood in LA), Los Angeles has been likened to some other world (true), where sunshine beats on you constantly (false). So much so that you might be wondering, “Tahira, what about sunshine makes you uneasy?” And the answer to that is: living in Los Angeles is the hardest thing I’ve done thus far. In two short years, I’ve learned a disturbing amount about myself and being on my own.

What that really means, and what that really looks like. 

And for some reason, learning these things has been seemingly more uncomfortable than my learning in other seasons in my life. Perhaps because I can no longer bullshit myself about who I am and why I am that way, but to make a long story short, I’ll say that I’m still trying to figure it out. One can only suspect that it has a lot to do with how good I’ve gotten at ‘picking and choosing my battles’–a practice so subjective by nature that another wave of discomfort is rolling in as we speak.

And perhaps that's the thing that really gets me about this town...

It makes you realize that nothing is good or bad. The only thing that makes it such is your perspective. What a beautifully hellish thing to be responsible for…. :’) And ultimately, that’s why I’ve come to see self-preservation as my best friend.

Merriam-Webster defines self-preservation as, “preservation of self from destruction or harm,” a biological reaction that boils down to survival of the fittest. But in my even simpler, zen-brain terms, self-preservation is what I do to not completely lose my shit. If life is an ocean of emotional triggers, self-preservation is your lifeboat. Not your mother, or your best friend, or your significant other. Love and fear of God is great too, but for good measure, pray for self-preservation.

I liken self-preservation to the duvet cover I pull over myself at night knowing that it won’t protect me from the ax murderer, should they arrive in the middle of the night, yet that cream, linen duvet helps me get in those Zzzs.

Self-preservation isn't false security.

I’m fully accepting of the fact that two locked doors are the actual barriers between me and this imaginary murderer, and even more privy to how ridiculous this analogy is, yet I don’t allow either of those facts to keep me up at night. If I’m being even less ridiculous, SP is any action that helps you to cope with the reality that a lot of sad, scary things happen in life, without diminishing life’s beauty. It’s the mediator that helps to balance you out after all goes left.

For me, that mediator comes in the form of mantras that I hold up against pretty much anything that happens in my life, including, but not limited to….

1. Love all, but give your energy to few.

Energy is expensive and we have to learn how to spend it. To my horror (and yours, I’m guessing), turning off your giving-a-damn-o-meter completely is impossible, but if you learn where to invest your energy, and how in what quantities, your life gains an under-rated calm.

2. See it and say less.

A ghost from dating’s past once taught me life’s biggest lesson: not everything needs a response–that includes people’s actions. Sometimes they have no idea that what they’re doing affects you big time; other times, they know what they’re doing, can ‘imagine how you feel’, and they just don’t care.

3. Relationships must be a two-way street.

Call me crazy, but whether familial, platonic, or romantic, I want the people in my life to do the work to maintain the connection we have. This may not look like a steady stream of communication, or time spent together, but if the answer to why we haven’t enjoyed quality time in 5ever is poor communication…I will happily remove you from my life.

Ciao. Poof. Finito. 

I take all of my relationships very seriously, and if you don’t, well…please keep your ‘pick-up-where-we-left-off’ mess away from me. Everyone has their preference, and mine is to unapologetically connect with the people I love as often as I can.

4. Cherish the people who show up for you.

You don’t have to search for your cheerleaders. Or buy some device on the black market to decipher their energy. You will know who is there for you and who is not. Celebrate those who are, they did not stumble into your life by accident.

5. Not all of your relationships will pass this sniff test. 

That’s the whole point…not all of them are supposed to, and that’s perfectly ok. Even the relationships that pass the sniff test today, may not pass it fifteen years from now. That’s why self-preservation should be our best friend.

And why not? Self-preservation is having the audacity to celebrate your life regardless of the circumstances. It’s the defiant act of celebrating who you are today and who you have in your life today, of loving all that you have for what it is, and of seeing the magic in this very moment.

Self-preservation allows us to see the beauty in all things, by helping us to reconcile the hurt we feel from the bad that occurs in our lives, without attaching it to the good. It’s the freedom to just be and let be. And you deserve it.

Ellie Shoja + Neloo Naderi Teach Me the Art of Finding Inner Peace

business, thinkpiece, transformations, youtube May 7, 2019

With Mental Health Awareness Month upon us, there’s no better time to pause and consider the health of our inner dialogues. Recent reflections around my mental health helped me realize how much time I have spent considering my relationships with others. And who doesn’t? It’s the most human thing to do.

But when do we start giving the same time and attention to the relationship we have with ourselves? Our thoughts create our reality, and of course, our ability to shatter limitations. I started to prioritize my self-talk after a college roommate scoffed at my post-grad aspirations, and told me it would never happen. My recognition that those were her limiting beliefs and not mine, helped me to muster “the nerve,” and conviction to follow my dreams instead. At that very moment, a choice was made.

We often think that changing our thinking to honor all that we are is a long process, but the work of Peace Unleashed owners, Ellie Shoja and Neloo Naderi show us major breakthroughs can happen as quickly as 15 minutes…if you’re ready to commit.

Their business consists of empowering people to connect to their true selves, which are completely at peace. The power of peace then helps them to, quite literally, make their dreams a reality.

Don’t believe it can happen to you? Ellie and Neloo just might change your mind:



The Business of Love

thinkpiece July 6, 2018

From the scarcity of my posts, you know that I’m guilty of many things–reclusiveness and drawn-out reflectiveness being the most obvious. I wouldn’t say that my writing lacked purpose before, but now, I write what I feel is most essential; it’s like 11th grade AP English all over again, when concise was the word that haunted my dreams. After months of silence, I return to say that love is more important now than ever. And even more so, giving it in abundance.

Owning a business is the last thing I’d imagined would strengthen my practice of giving unconditional love, but, almost six months into managing my first, I can say that love makes for good business, and being able to express it, makes business better. This isn’t to say that I call my clients up to tell them how much I adore them–as I get to know them, I find that they’re all very dynamic people, but professionalism is of the essence.

So, what does love have to do with business? I consider myself lucky to wake up everyday absolutely loving what I do, whether it’s an easy day or not, but this way of looking at love doesn’t go deeper than the surface. When we think a little more abstract and consider unconditional love, it becomes apparent that love and business go hand in hand because an abundance of one creates an abundance of the other. Here’s how:

At the core, when you treat yourself like an asset with infinite value, you’ll treat your employees and your projects similarly. Stories about founders and CEOs who don’t make self care a priority mortify me because the foundation you set for yourself will determine the foundation of your business; if you create a culture of sleep deprivation, unloading built-up emotions instead of communicating openly, and indulging in crappy foods, guess what? That’s what your employees will emulate.

Do I whine internally as I roll out of bed to head to the gym at 6 or 7 am? Absolutely–especially when there’s (LA) traffic. But, it sets my day on the right track, puts me in a great mood, and quite frankly, keeps me healthy. I promise, I’m not some vegan Crusader, but giving extraaa thought to what I put in my body has put me in a better headspace. If you treat yourself like a trashcan, eventually, you’ll treat your business like one too; if you treat yourself like an herb, for instance, that needs several elements to grow and provide, the sky is the limit.

And this isn’t because you’re the most important person in your business, it’s because the way you treat yourself sets the tone for how your employees treat themselves and each other! Granted, you are the foundation of your business, so everything you think and do will manifest and influence others within your organization; however, you’re merely the foundation. Let’s not forget, the Burj Khalifa has 163 stories built upon its foundation.

So when you set a great foundation for yourself through practicing giving unconditional love, that practice spreads to others–whether they work with you or not, creating a lasting influence on first, your community, then society, then the greater world. Respect, communication, collaboration and love make for a fabulous bedrock, not only because it ensures your organization’s success, but also because it allows for those successes to translate into civic goodness: investments in community centers, offering paid internships to kids whose other option is crime, even, collectively giving blood…the list goes on and on.

Now, the practice won’t be easy–it’ll be hell sometimes, but the reward is infinite. And whether you are a recluse (like me), or you have the visibility of Kim K, this practice will change your life. If you’re already practicing, great, continue, and I promise the reward will be magnified.

“Don’t withhold your love. Somebody needs you and you need them.” –Iyanla Vanzant