Long before social media, the cloud of celebrity confused us into believing that anyone in front of the flash bulbs didn’t “live like us.” And now that social media has taken hold of our lives, and constructed ‘influencers,’ we, stupidly, are playing a similar game of believing only influencers can influence.
Our choices are many within the bodega of love.
Some seek love as an additive to an ever-growing happiness. Others, as a substitute for its ever-present absence within.
Our approaches to it differ–why we’re seeking, when, and with whom; but our seeking reveals that all of us want it. Wholeheartedly.
So much so, that there are times when we give our love away, blinded by the possibility of finding it–once and for all, after so many years of seeking.
And it’s not out of lack of love for ourselves.
Sometimes we find ourselves coupled with living, breathing facades, heavily invested in selling us smoke and mirrors. But partners who are cowards to their true reflection aren’t partners at all, they’re just cowards. (And they come in size, “friend,” as well.)
No matter who they are to you, love is the last thing they’re seeking…and what for? When your validation is far cheaper a cost?
But your way of loving is something money can’t buy. In the bodega of relationships–romantic and platonic– I beg you, choose wisely.
Ahhh, balance…the thing we yearn for more and more as the years pass. But how do we create this elusive thing?
The best advice I received lately was from the consummate badass herself: Mona Zak, a successful businesswoman constantly inspiring others with her 7 C’s to Ultimate Transformation, how she runs her real estate brokerage, or how she started her fitness line, just because.
…Monday’s are made for big starts, big transformations and taking big chances, after all. And there’s no one better to help you de-program than Zak.
If your hot girl summer has been anything like mine, it has involved wayyyyyy too many Postmates orders to Pasta Sisters.
And though my orders have been decidedly vegetarian, it’s never a bad time to reign in the carb-fest with some plant-based goodness.…Or some vegan meals that have plants involved (but are basically a less sinister version of the hot girl summer I’ve been having thus far…)
Whatever health goal you’re currently trying to crush, here are some vegan recipes to the rescue!
- 1 box firm tofu
- 1 handful of spinach or kale
- 1 handful mushrooms
- ½ of a small onion
- 1 teaspoon tumeric (for color)
- 1 box vanilla cake mix
- 1 bag frozen fruit with raspberry, blackberry, strawberry, blueberry or peach and mango
- 1.5-2 sticks Miyoko vegan butter
- 1 tablespoon corn syrup (without fructose), agave
Vegan Margherita Pizza
- 1 ball of dough
- 1 jar tomato sauce **be sure to read the label, many sauces have cheese in them!
- 1 medium tomato
- 1 handful of basil
- Vegan mozzarella (my favorite is from Trader Joes)
I know you know how to make a pizza…I won’t insult your intelligence
Still hungry? Good Clean Food is one of my favorite vegan-vegetarian-flexitarian guides!
The two-hundredth-and-forty-fourth anniversary of America dredged up some pretty powerful feelings about my own independence…or lack thereof. Days after, it dawned on me that my obsession with the latter (or the former, errr), could be tied to the impending arrival of my two-year LA-versary.
Thanks to Hollywood (one small neighborhood in LA), Los Angeles has been likened to some other world (true), where sunshine beats on you constantly (false). So much so that you might be wondering, “Tahira, what about sunshine makes you uneasy?” And the answer to that is: living in Los Angeles is the hardest thing I’ve done thus far. In two short years, I’ve learned a disturbing amount about myself and being on my own.
What that really means, and what that really looks like.
And for some reason, learning these things has been seemingly more uncomfortable than my learning in other seasons in my life. Perhaps because I can no longer bullshit myself about who I am and why I am that way, but to make a long story short, I’ll say that I’m still trying to figure it out. One can only suspect that it has a lot to do with how good I’ve gotten at ‘picking and choosing my battles’–a practice so subjective by nature that another wave of discomfort is rolling in as we speak.
And perhaps that's the thing that really gets me about this town...
It makes you realize that nothing is good or bad. The only thing that makes it such is your perspective. What a beautifully hellish thing to be responsible for…. :’) And ultimately, that’s why I’ve come to see self-preservation as my best friend.
Merriam-Webster defines self-preservation as, “preservation of self from destruction or harm,” a biological reaction that boils down to survival of the fittest. But in my even simpler, zen-brain terms, self-preservation is what I do to not completely lose my shit. If life is an ocean of emotional triggers, self-preservation is your lifeboat. Not your mother, or your best friend, or your significant other. Love and fear of God is great too, but for good measure, pray for self-preservation.
I liken self-preservation to the duvet cover I pull over myself at night knowing that it won’t protect me from the ax murderer, should they arrive in the middle of the night, yet that cream, linen duvet helps me get in those Zzzs.
Self-preservation isn't false security.
I’m fully accepting of the fact that two locked doors are the actual barriers between me and this imaginary murderer, and even more privy to how ridiculous this analogy is, yet I don’t allow either of those facts to keep me up at night. If I’m being even less ridiculous, SP is any action that helps you to cope with the reality that a lot of sad, scary things happen in life, without diminishing life’s beauty. It’s the mediator that helps to balance you out after all goes left.
For me, that mediator comes in the form of mantras that I hold up against pretty much anything that happens in my life, including, but not limited to….
1. Love all, but give your energy to few.
Energy is expensive and we have to learn how to spend it. To my horror (and yours, I’m guessing), turning off your giving-a-damn-o-meter completely is impossible, but if you learn where to invest your energy, and how in what quantities, your life gains an under-rated calm.
2. See it and say less.
A ghost from dating’s past once taught me life’s biggest lesson: not everything needs a response–that includes people’s actions. Sometimes they have no idea that what they’re doing affects you big time; other times, they know what they’re doing, can ‘imagine how you feel’, and they just don’t care.
3. Relationships must be a two-way street.
Call me crazy, but whether familial, platonic, or romantic, I want the people in my life to do the work to maintain the connection we have. This may not look like a steady stream of communication, or time spent together, but if the answer to why we haven’t enjoyed quality time in 5ever is poor communication…I will happily remove you from my life.
Ciao. Poof. Finito.
I take all of my relationships very seriously, and if you don’t, well…please keep your ‘pick-up-where-we-left-off’ mess away from me. Everyone has their preference, and mine is to unapologetically connect with the people I love as often as I can.
4. Cherish the people who show up for you.
You don’t have to search for your cheerleaders. Or buy some device on the black market to decipher their energy. You will know who is there for you and who is not. Celebrate those who are, they did not stumble into your life by accident.
5. Not all of your relationships will pass this sniff test.
That’s the whole point…not all of them are supposed to, and that’s perfectly ok. Even the relationships that pass the sniff test today, may not pass it fifteen years from now. That’s why self-preservation should be our best friend.
And why not? Self-preservation is having the audacity to celebrate your life regardless of the circumstances. It’s the defiant act of celebrating who you are today and who you have in your life today, of loving all that you have for what it is, and of seeing the magic in this very moment.
Self-preservation allows us to see the beauty in all things, by helping us to reconcile the hurt we feel from the bad that occurs in our lives, without attaching it to the good. It’s the freedom to just be and let be. And you deserve it.