Tag: relationships

25 Things I Learned Before My 25th Birthday

events, happiness, life, love, me August 9, 2020

As of yesterday, I am twenty-five years old.

It wasn’t a particularly Earth-shattering event, in fact, I’m currently waking up in the same bedroom I was dreaming in, crying in, and generally, being bratty as fuck in from age 10 to 18 . It has been a cool 7 years since I’ve experienced the stillness (and mania) that comes with this long of a stay at your childhood home (but I am enjoying the perks, like the six-layer, rainbow, explosion cake that my mom made me.)

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And with that comes a lot of time to reflect on how I’ve spent my life, where I’m at, and where I’m heading.

Here are 25 things I’ve learned about life:

  1. Treat yourself like an asset with appreciating value. You are your longest relationship, so treat yourself kindly for the long haul! Furthermore, not treating yourself this way just increases the likelihood that others also won’t show you the respect you deserve.
  2. Trust in the divine, and your angels. No matter what that divine looks like for you, they’ll never lead you astray. My God is a faceless, nameless God that I believe in without books, or any other rhyme, or reason; my faith has been tested on several occasions, and I’m happy to know that my God is very much so walking with me through this life.
  3. Cut all the bullshit, and expeditiously! Call yourself on your own crap (limiting beliefs, biases, and unhelpful habits), cut out fake friends, lousy partners, and unsupportive family. You cannot reform anyone’s hateration other than your own, so when you see that someone’s heart isn’t in a place that feels good to you, leave, and expeditiously!
  4. What’s in your head and what’s in your heart will always take you farther than what’s in your bank account.
  5. Celebrate who you are–especially if you’re seen as “other” within your community. Your mind, your heart, and your vision are very needed in this world.
  6. Don’t second guess yourself, and don’t let anyone make you feel like you should start doing so.
  7. Set BIG (and sometimes, seemingly unrealistic) goals; go for what your heart truly wants–it always knows.
  8. ….THEN, pair that with setting achievable mini goals. Whether it takes you 2 days, 2 years, or 2 decades, your big goals can happen when you commit to working towards them little by little, every. single. day.
  9. Stay curious about yourself, others, and human nature. Nothing stays the same; allow that to excite you, not terrify you.
  10. LOVE LIKE IT’S GOING OUT OF STYLE. This goes for all kinds of love, not just romantic!!! There is SO much love to experience in the world, keep your heart open to giving and receiving it whenever you can.Processed with VSCO with p5 preset
  11. …BUT, give your love with discernment. Loving people unconditionally is unrealistic because healthy relationships, whether they’re romantic, platonic, or familial, are reciprocal.
  12. Express yourself with your entire chest. Do not say something behind someone’s back that you wouldn’t have the courage say to their face; my mom taught me this at a young age and it has helped me avoid A LOT of conflict.
  13. You *really* don’t have to be friends with everyone. And honestly, you really can’t be because not everyone can offer you the same support.
  14. Give without expectation. Whether it’s a good deed, a monetary donation, or your freakin’ heart, pour from a cup that is full.
  15. Tell people how you really feel, always. You owe it to yourself to be transparent about your feelings, no matter if they’re reciprocated or not.
  16. Validate yourself on YOUR standards. What makes a good life is wholly subjective; believe in your vision and your vision alone.
  17. Most things are black and white, but the grey area is OK too. Sometimes just accepting things as they are is all you can do.
  18. Give your time and energy to people who celebrate you. Without question, no matter what–even when they don’t completely understand your life.
  19. ACCEPT YOUR FUCKING BODY. It is beautiful the way it is, no matter how “other” you are. Having a body that does what you need it to do (contain your insides) is much more important than how it looks.Processed with VSCO with p5 preset
  20. Your words have energy. Everything that you say is possible and can become true. Seriously! My grandma and I watched Oprah most days after school, and she always said, “T, I wanna see you on TV one day,” and it just so happened that I shared that vision for myself too. I kept believing in it–no idea when, or even how it would happen, but I kept putting energy behind it, declaring it, and shaking the hands I felt would lead me to it. Then, BOOM, 3 TV appearances later, I do not mess around with what comes out of my mouth. There’s no room for negativity, or speaking out of anger.
  21. Have some tact!!! Churchill was a real POS, but he told 0 lies when he said “tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.”
  22. Failure is just an illusion if you look at each one as a lesson, and give yourself some grace. Perfection IS an illusion, and nothing will change that.
  23. Taking accountability will improve your quality of life in every sense. It will not kill you to admit that you’ve been wrong (I have), have hurt others (who hasn’t?), and need to look in the mirror (it’s part of life.)
  24. Stay playful. Life is everything and nothing all at once; it’s tiring, yet fleeting, but we are here to make the most of it. Keep laughing, loving, and accepting the lessons learned from the bad days, because better days are always coming.
  25. You will find someone who loves everything about you, but before then, the universe will send you lots of riff raff. As my Angel Reader, Ivette, says, “focus on having an abundant, joy-filled life, first and foremost, and the right person will be happy to join you for every inch of that journey.”

In conclusion:

All the glory onto God;
I will never be ungrateful.
God blessed me in real life;
I don't fear demons nor enemies.
I'm protected by the most high.

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Why I Started ‘Oh…We’re Going There’ Podcast

podcast January 29, 2020

When I started blogging in 2014, I had no idea what I was doing…But, little by little I figured out that I wanted to create a space that told stories of all kinds. I came up with visual stories and look books, but for a long time, the know was a bit lost on me…I had to get very vulnerable with myself in order to share my experiences. As I peeled back the layers, the idea of turning my experiences with everything from heartbreak to discrimination into pieces that people on the internet could read slowly became second nature.

Then, I started to view think pieces as an opportunity to educate, or to spotlight other creators and entrepreneurs, and to create conversations. I started to play around with different content mediums–from YouTube and IGTV, to shows on MTV and ABC–all helping me confirm my passion for unpacking complex subjects–like the economy, social justice, legislation, diplomacy–just as much as I am about creating my usual–fashion, travel, art, and entertainment.

In an effort to get people my age talking about those important things, I decided to start a podcast from a lens that seeks to understand how Black and Brown Millennials and Gen-Zers are shaping and influenced by society. Why? We live in a world where those voices simply don’t get enough play. End of story. But whether Black, Brown, White, Purple, or Green, Millennials and Gen-Zers have been through a lot; the oldest Millennials entered the job market during the 2008 Financial crisis, have seen endless wars, ballooning student loan debt, report higher rates of depression and anxiety than previous generations, and have seen horrifying changes in the environment.

But through it all, Millennials and Gen-Z have found ways to be more vocal about things like gun violence, the US prison complex system, and LGBTQ+ issues, amongst many other things. And even though we’re characterized as entitled and lazy, members of our generations have created just about every leading tech company, and innovative service that has impacted the lives of nearly everyone on the planet. 

So, I decided to start “Oh…We’re Going There,” to talk about the gutsy things–real things–not the BS that reality TV is force-feeding us. And yeah, I’ve been there, done that with MTV Ghosted…but my podcast is an unfiltered version of stories that matter from change-makers like Nayamka Roberts-Smith, Bree Newsome Bass, Jaime Harrison, Shannon Watts, Shirley Raines, Saira Rao, and many more. 

So, let’s go there:

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The World of Film, As Told by Ogechi Musa

creatives, youtube March 24, 2019

Never have I ever worked on a project quite like this. I’ve worked with many friends, many of whom are uber-talented Creatives. Filmmaker, Ogechi Musa is no different:

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However, this is the first time we’ve recorded ourselves having such a revealing conversation on the economics of being a “starving artist,” creating for the sake of creating, and where she finds inspiration to create award-winning projects:

1. Feature film, “Friction”, centered on a community-led revolution against police brutality

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2.  “The Hodge”, featuring Cleveland-based artists of color who are using their artistic platform to save their artist-living space

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3. “Midst,” a story about two interracial lovers and their struggle between self-identity and societal conformity.

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Catch our entire conversation: